I know that for me, there’s an immediate connotation of weakness.
Surrender means to receive or accept an outcome without resistance.
It sounds like giving up, frankly.
Naturally, surrender is where I find myself gravitating toward as I think about everything I want to do because life has a unique and sometimes dark sense of humor.
Someone recently told me that leaving the present moment is responsible for all the pain in our lives.
Hyperbole? Sure.
But I see the truth in these words, too.
If we look ahead to where we are going, we draw awareness to all we do not have: the skills, the money, the resources, the experience, and the success.
I am not advocating for an aimless existence.
But the more we fantasize about a future that is different from our current state, the more we subconsciously frame the current reality as insufficient. As inadequate.
If we look back, we may cling to things that do not serve us. We don’t need to bring our baggage into our day-to-day lives.
If you are reading this, in this present moment, I know that a few things must be true:
-You are alive.
-You are in enough safety and comfort that you have the time to read my scribblings.
-You have access to some of the world’s best technology to facilitate reading said scribblings.
Nothing that happened before changed that.
Nothing that will come can take you away from these beautiful truths right now.
But your mind can.
Your ego can.
Your ambition can.
A core tension I experience in pursuing music is the need to strive. To stretch myself beyond what seems possible. To invite strife and challenge. To test what I perceive to be the content of my character.
But in doing so, I am missing out on the opportunity to follow my intuition.
I reduce my ability to be flexible about what I may need or what new information may emerge.
Letting go of the past has been a practice for me over the last seven years and one that I feel I’m getting much better at.
But letting go of the future? Dropping the need to try to chase and create what comes next constantly?
That’s a new level of discomfort for me.
The mental chatter is bracing and clear:
“You’ll fall behind.”
“You’ll be outworked.”
“You’ll miss out.”
And here’s the dirty little secret I feel like I’m seeing.
All of these fears are true.
I will fall behind those that choose to pursue and grab these opportunities.
They are working harder than I am to seize these options.
I will not reap the benefits I could if I did these things.
But this is only a problem if I don’t believe in the upside.
Because life is a constant exchange of opportunity costs, my time spent in one way is immediately relegated away from other pursuits.
And if I truly believe, which I do (even in moments of doubt), that intuition and patience will reward me more than savage conquest, then the rewards of surrender will outweigh the losses begotten by stillness.
If I am present each day, doing the things I love to do, and sharing them in a way that supports and lifts other people, then I know that the outcomes will be sweet.
And I’m willing to wait for that.
Are you willing to surrender? To pursue TODAY to its fullest rather than pursuing a distant future?
You don’t need to be – no law says you have to.
But if you feel frustrated, tired, and lonely, I invite you into the inquiry. How much time are you spending in this moment? And how much are you living in the past or the future?
If this stirs anything up for you, please let me know. I would love to hear your thoughts.